“All the gold

And the guns

In the world

Couldn't get you off

All the gold

And the guns

And the girls

Couldn't get you off

All the boys

All the choices

In the world

I remember when

We were gambling to win

Everybody else said,

Better luck next time.

I don't wanna bend

Like the bad girls bend

I just wanna be your friend

Is it ever gonna be enough?

Is it ever gonna be enough?

Is it ever gonna be enough?

Is it ever gonna be enough?

All the lace

And the skin

In the shop

Couldn't get you off

All the toys

And the tools

In the box

Couldn't get you off

All the noise

All the voices never stop

I remember when

We were gambling to win

Everybody else said,

Better luck next time.

I don't wanna bend

Like the bad girls bend

I just wanna be your friend

Why you giving me a hard time?

I remember when

We were gambling to win

Everybody else said

Uh uh uh uh uh uh

Is it ever gonna be enough?

Is it ever gonna be enough?

Is it ever gonna be enough?

More and more

More and more

More and more

More and more and

More and more

More and more

More and more

Is it ever gonna be enough?”

I’m as bad, if not worse, than anyone I know about looking for material things to provide gratification.  It isn’t at all that I think the things I own will define me (I don’t own a huge television or a terribly expensive car), but it is more that I seem to think that there are holes in my heart that are going to be filled by items - a particular album (especially if on vinyl, mmhmm), a movie, a jacket, shoes.  Of course, that’s never the case.  I don’t know if I look at these things and buy them out of lust and a need to fill a void in my life, or simply for the fact that I buy them hoping that they are a relic that will stay with me and help me to recall a certain point in time.  So many of the albums I own have a special place in my heart because they conjure a specific image in my mind of when I first listened to the album or when particular lyrics struck me or they “fit” what was going on extremely well.

The void that I have isn’t of a particular size or shape and it can only be filled by things which have no defined shape or size.  My faith is something that has always been important to me and something I feel is strong.  It isn’t at all that I think that the way I believe is better than anyone else.  I feel that I am convicted of key beliefs that I have.  Anything outside of that, I see myself questioning day in and day out.  I really wonder what faith should look like.  I ask myself what is honestly required of me?  Do the conclusions that I have reached even come close to what was originally intended?  Do I piss God off?  Do I disappoint God?  How dirty am I?  The older I get, the more confined I feel.  I think that idealistically, it takes a while to get over that because growing up we are taught the specific beliefs of those with whom we learn and grow.  Questions never get asked and answers are never without repercussion.  Maybe that’s why people hate the church, not the body.

In no way do I think I have it all figured out.  If you think you do, open your eyes and open your mind.  You don’t and with that mentality, you’re never going to learn either.  I don’t want to know all the answers.  I enjoy the freedom we have as people to reach our own conclusions, but it becomes difficult when the questions mount and there is no clear answer.  That’s why faith is a challenge and takes a lot of hard work.  That’s why it isn’t for everyone.  That’s why I don’t walk around yelling or judging.  It’s such an active process that I don’t think I can say that my faith is the same last week as it is today.  But, I know that the things I buy and seek out are not at all going to be enough.  They’re never going to be the things in life that get me off.  They’ll never be enough.  Easy is for everyone.  Hard is for those who care.

Listen here.